Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
