We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
