if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
