But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
