You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize