I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
