Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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