I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
