my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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