When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
