how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
