dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
