That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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