We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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