I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
time to smoke my breakfast
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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