be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
