From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize