Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
