so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
