I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
