The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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