I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
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Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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