Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize