I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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