Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am one with the molecules
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
