maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This baby is an asshole
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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