I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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