New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
