where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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