I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
