So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
