I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
