I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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