I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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