Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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