And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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