i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
