I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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