the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
