i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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