Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
