so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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