I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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