was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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