bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
