i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize