Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
