I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
