I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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