Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My first STD was from a foam party
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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