She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
