Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
