Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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