god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
