Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
