Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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