Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
