The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
