its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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