Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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