I got chris browned last night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
