First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
