I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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