Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
