I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
