If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
