If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
