He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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