I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
