thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
