hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
