A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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