hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
