Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
