Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
